I am scared...

I am scared to close my eyes, coz I may see you and believe that you are close...
I am scared that in my dreams I may get to touch you, to be close to you....
I am scared to be alone, coz you will be there if there is noone around...
I am scared to cross you anywhere, coz I cant see you, and not feel the love....
I am scared to hear about you, coz if you are sad I will cry, and if you are happy my world will end...

Never come back, coz I will not wait...coz I know....coz I know if I tell you i'll wait you will never WALK AHEAD....

In my eyes....

Its in my eyes, where he saw it first,
Its in my eyes, where he saw it grow,
It was my eyes, that secretly wanted a glimpse of him, It was my eyes, where he wiped the tears whenever we felt it would fall apart, It was my eyes in which he looked for hours together and hugged me tight.
It was my eyes which kept looking around for him everytime I dint see him, It was my eyes, which I closed and saw a beautiful world with him, It was my eyes which closed slowly whenever he kissed me and the feeling still lingers around, But now these eyes are the reason to take him away...
My eyes which I once loved, why don't I love them now..

The Last Day....

Do you remember your last day of your first school...does it hit you when you remember the last day of with your college friends.....do you feel sad when you recall the last "chai and ciggy" on that "tapri"...that unceremonious last working day at office, when people expected you still work for "one more day"......

You always wanted to finish school to get rid of that uniform, you always wanted to get rid of books and be independent when you were in college, you always wanted to get rid from that got for saken office of yours.....it was you who always asked for it.....then why feel bad about getting what you wished for.....

What is about the last day that makes it different from any other day......is it that you know that you may not get to see the teacher you secretely had a crush on.....you may not meet your friends with whom you bunked your classes...you wont be sitting next to that beautiful chick in office who smiled at you every time your eyes met....is it that canteen song you will miss, or that last minute combined studies, mocking those sexy babes, spreading rumors about anybody and everybody....those late night maggi(s), those fights over meaningless issues......
All those sleepless nights on presentations and assignments, trying to buy that leaked examination papers coz you knew nothing about the subject, hiding the fact from parents that you got suspended from school, making sure the red card never reached home, pressure of delivering that all so important deliverable at office, having those horrible times after break ups, feeling sad about being back stabbed by your friend ....so much of tension you go through but at the last day, all you wish is to relive all of it again...its the last day which brings all the fond memories come back to you and try to make you stay back........
Its then that you realise that everything comes with an expiry date....Everything.....
Just live every day and cherish every moment, coz you never know if you will ever see that SMILE again....wish for it or not, its going to come to you ====> The Last Day.....

Almost always....

He said, "I wish you get all the happiness in the world".
She replied, "But I want you, and for me the whole world means you".
He said, "I am not the world; you need to see through me, beyond me, to really see the world".
She said, "I dont want to; I want you, coz each time I see life without you it feels empty".
He said, "It feels empty, coz you are not opening your eyes when I am not around...its empty coz you are not greeting the rest of the world coz you wish to be with me".
She said, "So why is it wrong, if I want to be with YOU?"
He said, "BYE".

Never ever did it looked like falling apart, never ever did they think beyond "US and WE"; never ever did they thought they will have a discussion, which only had I, you, me...and no US or WE.

He always had answers to all the questions, he always had a logic to make it look right, he always had the words to make it look easy, he always had his thoughts clear as to how it will work, well....he "almost always" had a way to bring her a smile....Almost always......

Why do people fall short of expectations...why do people falter from their commitments...why do people break those promises....why does that smile which made you smile, makes you unhappy....

The easy escape is to blame the circumstances, the easier way it to blame people, the easiest way is to blame your self.......but is life really so long that you have the time to live it blaming people, cursing situations, and crying about what you could not.......Nah...its not....

Yes, you did not meet expectations, big deal, its not that you did not try.....even if the question is did you try hard enough....still, whats the fuss, you did TRY...you did what you could!!!!!!!
Yes, you did commit and did not deliver, bid deal, its not that you did it to HURT someone...even if the question is that you did hurt someone....still, what the heck, you dint feel proud about doing so (unless you are a sadist)....
Yes, you broke a few promises, and maybe some dreams and a heart along with that....still, you did it with some intentions (which, maybe, only you know), and if the intentions were right...its good to take that stand of not standing by your promises.....

That smile does not bring happiness to you now, coz you are not the reason for it now...it makes you unhappy coz you did not bring that smile.....but was it not HE who said " I wish you get all the happiness in the world".......

To be in love is fairly easy, to let go that love is difficult and to be happy to see that love go is beyond the measurements of ease/difficulty.......

You will eventually not be unhappy for "that" someone else's smile...you will eventually be the reason for "another" someone else's smile....You will eventually find a reason to.........
Well....Almost Always :)

Go Goa....

Reader P.S "WE" here is for me and Rishi in this post (Unless otherwise mentioned)

Well I know this post should have come some time back....it has been more than a month now....Anyway....
The PLAN: Like all other plans this one was also a great time pass ( most of the times it is the PLAN which is more fun than the action itself, not this time though).......all those mails with travel checklists, route maps.....and as always the actual trip was nowhere close to any of these PLANS!!!
Train, Bus or Bike: We started of deciding the mode of transportation....and since both us wanted to avoid Mumbai-Pune travel we came up with our ideas....the options under consideration were to take a train but was ruled out since we knew we wont get any tickets....then it was Bus, which meant an overnight journey, which in turn meant just sleeping all along the way....and since we both had been to Goa before, we were not so much keen on spending lot of time in GOA...we actually wanted to have a nice time en route to Goa....well then we decided that it was time for my sweet and sexy FZ to have a nice outing at last (long after the first small ride to Lonavala).... Then we started of with the checklist and realized that the stuff that we were planning to carry had to be cut down drastically as there was no place to keep it on my SEXY (read naked) bike.....knowing that we will definitely require all that stuff we came back to square one just few days before our scheduled TRIP!!!!
Well FZs loss was ZENs gain....we wanted to be sure that the poor thing (10 year old car) wont ditch us midway and hence a thorough check up was done before we finally decided to take the BIG RISK.....so ultimately it was "WE" and the ZEN which were going to be tested.....

THE GUIDE: Even though a whole lot of Google maps were printed, a whole lot of people were asked about the route we still were sure that we would need a guide (as by now we were not even sure if we were going to Goa, or just going to any place on that route).....in came the magical GPS navigator, magical because it ensured that Rishi reached my home (from Mumbai).....and to be honest it really was a great tool all the way along...on the highway showing every curve, getting us out of Pune, making sure we reached our Hotel in Goa each night(though it made us go round and round one night), and ofcourse making sure that Rishi reached Mumbai from Pune....
Oh yeah the fun part was when we had to take a small 50kms bad road after leaving NH4....poor GPS aunty got confused and started talking rubbish..........

The Journey Begun: I dont remember when was the last time I got up so early when I had the option to sleep.....anyway we got up early and started off with lot of stuff to eat and drink....surprisingly the car was running smooth (much to my pleasure and Rishis disdain)....since it was early morning the drive from Pune city to Highway flew off pretty fast.....and on the highway it just got better.......the weather Gods were happy too......
we took turns to enjoy the drive, and with lot of stuff to hog we did not stop over till the time we reached the dreaded beginning of road after the Highway......we stopped at Nippani, refuelled the back seat of car with lots to drink and started again.....although the condition of the road was bad the scenic view running alongside did not let us bother abut it.....then came the twists and turns of the hill(around 30kms)...and ofcourse there was a lovers point(or was it suicide point)....we had planned for an over night stay at Sawantwadi which was at the end of the hill.....well by now we realised that we were running atleast a couple of hours before time....our scheduled arrival at Sawantwadi was around 6 and we were there by 4...we still decided to stay there, and hence went to a DECENT hotel....we did a whole lot of TP(looking at different roams, yapping with the manager and other staff, bargaining for the room)....once we were sure that there was not much to wander around we decided to hit the road again and reach Goa the same day itself.....as it turned this was the best decision we took (secondly only to not riding on bike) on this trip .....when we were about to enter Goa, I just crossed a bridge and the end of it a traffic cop stopped us,the best part is I had taken off my seat belt around 5-10 kms back. Well it turned out that it was a no overtaking area with speed limit of 40, I was at around 70 and did overtake a car. Out came the tried and tested CARD from Rishis wallet(that CARD is a secret weapon and hence the details cant be disclosed in a blog) and we were asked to just leave without shelling a penny. We reached Green Park hotel before dusk....Rishi showed his negotiation skills and got the room at a cheaper rate than the Sawantwadi one......this place was in Mapusa which was not exactly the happening part of Goa.........
We went searching for a bike for rent or a rick and finally trusted the GUIDE and took the car out; went to the beach in the night where I had fish curry and the idiot along with me had TANDOORI CHICKEN (No comments!!!!).....the whole ambience was sooooooooo amazing.
While walking around we came across lot of Ravan like structures, and finally the curiosity got better of me and I asked a local guy as to why they were having Dusshera at the time of Diwali ( oh this reminds me to post that it was Diwali time)!!!! the guy told us that it was "NARKASUR....Another roop of Ravan" and that it was a big day in Goa and that next morning they were going to have these competitions of NARKASUR DAHAN (similar to Dusshera).....we were moving around BAGA BEACH and reached MAMBOS. We were following a few FIRANG Babes from baga to Mambos, because if in case we felt like going to Mambos we would have required Women ( GAY couples are still not considered COUPLES in India, not even in GOA!!). But looking at the fact that not even decent music was playing at 11:30 pm we decided not to go to Mambos ( P.S: I have never been to Mambos).
The next day we went to Auguda fort where we clicked classy pics....and yeah how can I forget that for the first time I saw a firnag going to PEE in the bushes (that too a WOMAN).....Auguda fort reminds of my profile pic on Orkut with my red t-shirt(that was more than 2 years back) and on this trip Rishi wore the same t-shirt (same as in same, not similar) and got a same snap at that very same location......then a trip to Panjim where we bought beach tees and shorts....the market was almost closed.....Oh did I not mention that this morning a bomb had exploded in Goa and one was deactivated before it went off.....Thank God that it was Diwali and television sets at home were closed.....
We went back to the happening beaches, got a tatoo, tasted lot of sat water.....then went and bought a couple of JHINTAAK t-shirts(GLOWING ones, still waiting to go to a disc to test the GLOW). That night I remember I had something with mixed sea food and Rishi had his usual north Indian food....
Next day early morning we started on our way back; we stopped at the same tapri on the lovers point (in the hilly road) and had Omlette.Our next stop was Mcdonalds at Kolhapur, where we emptied our tanks and then hogged Burgers.
The drive was really the most amazing part of this trip!! The strange part is that the worst patch of road was the best drive....
Waiting eagerly for the next ROAD TRIP.....destination???????

Special note of thanks: Dear Zen, Thank You!!!!

BLOODY SWINE.....

Oh no abusive language is being used here....its just about SWINE FLU!!!
It has been quite some time now that this word hit Pune, and the death toll has only risen since.
Well this post was long coming now, and the last nail was the news that I just heard. The person sitting 2 seats next to me in office got hit by Swine Flu!!!!
Well the HSE(health safety environment) head just came to speak to us, his words were "Pls. do not panic after listening to this, in case any of you guys have the slightest of symptoms of any trouble which may seem to be related to Swine Flu please inform me at the earliest". Till this point of conversation we felt that it was his regular activity which he probably was doing with all the employees. He continued," The lady who was sitting here at seat no. 109 has actually been admitted to the hospital and it seems she has Swine Flu , well she is pretty ill, and just to ensure that you people have not been affected as of now I would request you to please be honest and let me know of any such symptoms".
We were blanked out, that female was not coming to office for the last few days, but none of us ever imagined that it was because of the deadly flu. All the puneites have been at least a little scared about this epidemic, and we are no exceptions. We were taking quite a few precautions to ensure that we were at the maximum possible distance away from this infection. This has come in as a shock to us that we were so CLOSE to it.........the area has been sanitized properly and still most of us are feeling that HEADACHE which is more of the fact that we now know that there was infection around than anything else!!!!
I am sure these seats around are not gonna be occupied for some time now. Just wondering when that female returns how would be the reaction of people around. Well, due to some re-shuffling of teams I am going to move to new a seat from tomorrow, and actually I am already at a new place so I will be spared from acting WEIRD when the infected soul (oh I mean body) is back in office.
Time for using the HAND SANITIZER!!!!
All you guys pls. be sure of taking all the precautions, because it is quite likely that since most of us here in this area were taking extra precautions none of us got affected (till now).
There have been a lot of mails floating around on how you should take care and had a long list of Dos and Donts, pls. read at least one of them, stay hygienic and stay safe.

BITCHING......

Some MCP must have coined the term BITCHING!!!!
What would you call when 2 or more guys " BITCH "......see those guys are DOGGING.....nah nah sounds Pervert!!!
I have seen most of us (men) telling women not to yap meaninglessly. Women world over are known for talking crap about friends, acquaintances and absolute no body's.
It so happened that two guys(p.s guys not gAys) were together in a bed and were uttering absolute nonsense about every tom dick and harry they knew. They spent 4 LONG hours speaking their heart out and slept away to glory all satisfied that all the grudges and all the ill-feelings that were dumped inside for YEARS were finally out.
Why do we have certain things only for fairer sex, why is it that MEN cant talk ill about people!!!
I am looking forward to analyze this, and all those guys who have ever done this before or plan to do this in future, let me know, NO NO I am not interested to listen what CRAP you have to say about your friends foes or anybody, its just to MONITOR and Understand what really is BITCHING!!!!